Remember a few years ago, when Frank Sinatra was brought back from the dead through the magic of clay animation to hock iced tea? “It’s Brisk, baby!,” I believe was the advert’s closing line. Yeah, they were for Brisk Iced Tea, and they helped turn me into a Snapple fan; those commercials turned me off so much I couldn’t drink Brisk.
Now, Frank’s being replaced by Black Sabbath frontman and perennial boob Ozzy Osbourne. That’s how he’ll look in the ads. Fuck, people — Ozzy hasn’t looked that good since Sharon was boning Randy.
According to a press release, Brisk Iced Tea is “revitalizing its legacy of animating iconic celebrities through clay puppet animation by partnering with rock icon Ozzy Osbourne and a few other A-list stars. To refresh the campaign and launch an online contest challenging consumers to tell their own brisk stories, they’ve recruited the famed Prince of Darkness, who’s known for his bold behavior.”
This is it, people. Mark it on your calendars. Today is the day that Ozzy Osbourne lost the last remaining morsels of credibility he still had — in my opinion. Selling cellphones as yourself is one thing. Agreeing to have your likeness turned into molding clay, just to sell iced tea — something different altogether.
Osbourne and Brisk teamed up to present a tongue-in-cheek web film “promoting the brand by telling viewers how to be normal — from Ozzy’s perspective, that is. The film opens with a clay puppet Ozzy offering instructions for normal living, including things like go on a cruise, decorate your cubicle and believe commercials. After breezing through a list, he snaps out of it with a swig of Brisk and is transformed back to the risk-taking rocker we all know and love.”
What other A-lister did they get for the spots? That pock-marked bastard from “Machete.” That’s fucking A-list? For that matter, is Ozzy even A-list? B-list, for sure. But A? Come on.
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