Poison’s Bret Michaels Wants To Take You On A Sea Cruise

Super is an understatement

I fucking shit you not. Bret Michaels, the disease-ridden singer for Poison and the star of several VH-1 reality shows in which he basically checks the oils of innumerable women of ill repute with his wart-covered dipstick, is going cruising and wants you to join him.

Bret — who’s been accused of breaking up Miley Cyrus’ folks by doing the horizontal mambo with Miley’s mom, Tish — has announced a new Web site touting something called the “Bret Michaels Super Cruise.” Seriously.

The cruise will be one year from now, in November 2011 on the Carnival Destiny, a remarkable member of Carnival Cruise Line’s magnificent modern cruise ship fleet. It will depart Miami, Florida, spend a day at sea, dock in Cozumel, Mexico (where I once watched a man vomit from the window of a third-story bar, onto the street and innocent bystanders below) before spending another day at sea, on a return route to Miami.

I wonder what kinds of fun and games await on the Bret Michaels cruise. I wonder how many shots you need to get before going on Bret’s cruise. Last time I was on a cruise, my main concern was coming away with bed bugs. I hear those ships are just breeding grounds for all kinds of disgusting shit. On this cruise, I’d be worried about coming away with hepatitis. Or the HIV.

This cruise Web site is kind of shady. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is all a joke. Regardless, the ship is packed with amenities and activities for the entire family to enjoy, like four spacious swimming pools, a waterslide, world-class dining options, several themed bars and lounges, specialty restaurants, night clubs, and — of course — with Bret on board, the best in live entertainment. Space will be limited, so book now.

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