Porn Star Evan Seinfeld Parts Ways With Biohazard

Evan and his first porn wife, who has nice boobies

I saw this coming a fucking mile away. Personally, if I were in Biohazard, Evan Seinfeld’s life outside of the band is pretty embarrassing if you’re a hardcore band. He’s a fucking porn star!

I mean, he’s always trying to score fotch, and I respect that. If I was getting laid as much as Evan Seinfeld, I wouldn’t have time to be in Biohazard. I wouldn’t have time to eat, man. But for the other dudes in Biohazard, it must have brought shame on them, in a way, what with Evan marrying porn sluts half his age and hocking masturbation flashlights.

“We have a long history together, but it’s time for a change,” said guitarist/co-founder Bobby Hambel in a statement. “We wish Evan well.”

That’s it? Man, that’s the shortest statement on a dude leaving a band I have ever seen. That means they were embarrassed by Seinfeld. This, I know.

Scott Roberts, who played on the band’s 2005 Means To An End, will step in for Seinfeld when Biohazard plays the U.K.’s Download festival on June 12, and again on June 13 at the Metal Hammer Golden Gods Awards in London.

Biohazard were working on a new album. I guess they’ll still release it. Wouldn’t it be rad if they just re-wrote it without Evan, just to be dicks?

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