Revolver Doing A Hottest Dudes In Heavy Music Survey

Get this guy on the list

I wonder if it will lead to a beefy calendar girls like Zeena can hang in their offices. I doubt it. But it’s an idea.

For years, I have been calling Revolver magazine — which has not been worth the ink and paper used to print it since 1999 — sexist for doing its annual Hottest Chicks In Metal issue, and suggested way back in 2004 that they do a Hottest Dudes component, as not to look like the chauvinistic swine they are. And they finally have, obviously as a response to being called out by everyone for being sexist.

The magazine is now hosting an online poll, with a wide choice of dudes to vote for. I’m not included in the list, somehow…strange. I think all of my readers should head here and vote for me in the “Other” option.

“Who knows, we might just interview your top pick about his hotness,” someone from the all-male staff over there writes online. I bet they’re going to love doing that interview.

“So…not that we’d know personally, because we’re so straight, but…it seems chicks and the gays dig you. What’s it like being so hot?”

What do you think it’s like? It rules. Hot dudes get fucked. Hot dudes are looked at differently. Hot dudes catch breaks, just like hot chicks do. Being hot — from what hot people tell me — is the business. You get to do whatever you want.

So, yeah — go here and let’s see if we can get me to the top of the list. Why? Because it would be funny, in an ironic way. Like that time Stern’s audience got Hank the Drunken Dwarf on People’s list of the best looking folks in all the world.

If I can make the list, then anyone can. I mean, I may have been what some might call “hot” a few years ago, but now? I look a fucking mess, folks. A fucking hot mess.

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