Revolver’s Golden Gods Awards Are Now Officially Meaningless

William Shatner

When Revolver’s Golden Gods award show takes over Club Nokia in Los Angeles on April 20, fucking William Shatner will be honored with the Honorary Headbanger Award award, rendering these awards officially meaningless and totally hallow. If fucking Shatner can get a Golden God, anyone can.

Shatner will be on hand to accept his award, “an honor Revolver magazine bestows each year to someone who has made their name outside of the metal world but still embodies its spirit,” according to a press release.

“Short of receiving an Emmy for my superb voice, the Honorary Headbanger Award is the next best thing. Praise be you won’t hear me sing,” said William Shatner in a statement. Previous winners include Kat Von D, who just does metal dudes, and the dude who played Freddy Kruger.

What’s so fucking metal about Shatner? Because he worked with Zakk Wylde? That hardly makes the dude metal. I don’t understand how he embodies the metal spirit. From what I understand, he’s a backstabbing louse.

These awards have always been a sham, and always will be a sham. Just a way to secure advertising revenue and promote a shitty, shrinking magazine. I guess the only standard for winning a Golden God is whether or not you can show up to receive it.

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