So, a Playboy Playmate lives in my fucking neighborhood, people.
It’s true. As you know, I live in a small town in New Jersey, right across the Hudson River from Manhattan. And this morning, I realized a Playboy chick resides just down the block from me.
With her husband, alas. But she’s still a Playboy chick, which is kind of torturous but also great.
This has nothing to do with Rob Zombie, but, I’m getting to that.
So, I was in the deli over the weekend, and so was she. This tall, comely red head with stunning blue eyes and the kind of lips you only see in old paintings.
I couldn’t resist. “You’ve got to be a model, right?,” I ask her, to which she replied, “I did.”
She told me she just finished one of her last jobs, but was taking a break from modeling for a while. We made small talk, and she left with her husband — some hulking dude with sleeve tats, cradling a dog smaller than my the head of my penis.
The next day, I saw her walking said dog, and we again made small talk on the street — my heart, longing for more all the while.
Then, this morning, I was online, making the rounds on all my favorite sites, and came across a video — a video of girls in skimpy outfits, pretending to play soccer.
Lo and behold, this girl from the deli is one of the chicks in the video, and lo and behold, a quick Google search of her named turned up saucy pictures and a Playmate profile, complete with her turn-offs (flashy jerks) and turn-ons (funny fuckers, like me).
I get she’s married, and to someone considered much better looking than me. But I plan to befriend her, I tell you. I will be using the same tactic outlined in this article: befriend a hot chick, and with any luck, she’ll set you up with her hottie friends.
I bet you’d like to know her name, but I don’t want her Googling herself only to find this here post. Because she’d likely be creeped out as fuck.
Anyways, now onto the less interesting aspect of this post: The Rob Zombie news.
Zombie’s Great American Nightmare — the ultimate Halloween horror event — will return for its second year, making its debut at WestWorld Of Scottsdale in the Phoenix, Arizona, metro region for select nights from September 19 to November 1.
The September 19 opening night will feature a special one-night-only concert with groundbreaking musician and filmmaker Rob Zombie himself.
“The first year was such a blast. I am thrilled to be able to take the Great American Nightmare to a new city this year,” said Zombie. “My only goal is to make it even sicker than last year.”
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