Rob Zombie Releasing His Own Coffee

Rob’s French Roast

No, you haven’t mistakenly come across the Onion’s site…that is a real fucking headline, people. Rob Zombie is releasing his own coffee.

Zombie’s got two blends for sale now over at his Web site. One is a French Roast Organic and Peru Organic, both available in 1 lb. bags for $13.99 each — just in time for Christmas.

Because when I think Rob Zombie, I think coffee. Rob is slowly turning into the whole of Kiss. In five years, this dude’s going to be selling Rob Zombie maxi-pads and adult diapers. Fucking coffee? Really? Rob doesn’t even strike me as a dude who would love coffee, for some reason. So this is just totally bizarre to me.

“Our deepest and darkest roasted coffee,” reads a description of the French Roast. “This 100% Certified Organic, Fair Trade Certified French Roast offering has a surprising characteristic that you’ll notice when you purchase whole beans — a hint of speckle. This is because we artistically blend our French Roast with a moderate percentage of different roasts, producing a complex taste profile that no other French-style coffee has in existence. Savor the deepness.”

The Peruvian blend comes “from the tall peaks of the Andes to the tropical forests of the Amazon Basin,” and “features 100% Certified Organic, Fair Trade Certified beans, this incredible single-origin coffee supports the battle against social and environmental challenges. Medium-bodied with a tangy fruit finish, our lively Peru has been hand-crafted to realize its complete flavor potential.”

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