Robert Plant Files Restraining Order Against Crazy Broad

Robert Plant

You know, it’s been said that all women are crazy, and that the only variance is degree.

Who said that? Me.

But that’s mostly a joke. Mostly.

Robert Plant’s not joking around when it comes to the new stalker he’s got.

Plant, who now looks like an elderly woman, has filed a temporary restraining order against a woman who, he claims, has been harassing him for three years. claims the woman’s named Alysson Billings, and she allegedly “leaves hotel keys for him, sends flowers, random packages, and constantly shows up to his concerts all over the world.”

Billings is said to have now begun harassing Plant’s girlfriend and collaborator, Patty Griffin, leaving the couple such disturbing and threatening messages as, “Your betrayal with another woman still stabs my mind;” “She’s got you so pussy whooped and henpecked, it makes me want to puke… and I’m telling you that rotten crotch is ruining you;” and “This woman is literally evil for you and your life… you are about to fall for that dirty old crotch. And I’m not joking, I cannot, will not, shall not live this way anymore.”

Dude…what’s up with the dirty crotch obsession?

Sometimes, the dirtier, the better.

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