Slipknot’s Clown Launches The Black Dots Of Death


When I think “the creative force behind Slipknot,” I immediately think of Clown. And so this unfortunately-named side project he’s got coming out — The Black Dots of Death — is going to have to be as good if not better than Slipknot. Has to.

Want to hear the most annoying thing ever? More annoying than Clown speaking? More irritating than an inverted eyelash? Go here, to The Black Dots of Death’s Web site. It is the musical equivalent of an inverted eyelash, and what I liked to call a free motherfucking headache. Try listening to more than 20 seconds of it without hammering a nail through your temple. I dare you!

According to a press release, The Black Dots of Death [Edit: Are all the good band names taken?] “are unlike any other band that you have heard with an approach focused on killing all of your pre-conceived notions on what music can be — bringing a devastating tidal wave of sound crashing down on you.”

And crushing your skull and squeezing your brain out through your ears, nose, and mouth. Quite literally. I’ve enjoyed periodontal surgery more than I enjoyed this band’s shitty music. And I gave it a solid shot. I literally have a pain behind my left eye now because of this aural swill. Oh, and get this class: You can go to the site and hear the band’s first single, which is called “Let’s Get Fucked Up.”

The band’s debut album — sure to be one of 2011’s Best Of when those discussions begin this same time next year — is called Ever Since We Were Children and is slated for release January 11.

Look, before you bash me in the comments section below — and I invite you to bash away — know that I respect Clown for his work in Slipknot, and his work as a photo artist. But that song is fucking awful. I think I maybe having an aneurysm from listening to it. I felt like I was at a haunted house…where lots of gay sex used to happen.

I listened to that “Let’s Get Fucked Up” song. It starts out with kids yelling the song’s title, and the chorus is super fucking infectious, mate. It’s not ignorant at all. And has a great Faith No More-esque ending. Super original stuff.

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