So, I Just Need A Second To Vent About The New Wii

Just make some kind of codpiece or something, Nintendorks

I debated for a second…about whether or not anyone who reads this blog would care if I covered a video game-related topic. But then, I figured, “Hey — I like metal and I like the Wii. My buddy Adam back in Hartford was a metal head and we played XBox and PS2 constantly. We can’t be the only ones.”

And with that, I decided you people probably also love gaming…but most of you are probably more sophisticated and into PS3 or XBox 360, and let me just tell you — I envy you. But because I already have a ton of games for it, I have always stuck with the Wii — a purchase I made when the fucker first came out some five years ago; Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros. are my shit. Also, I always worry…the second I spend $300 on 360, they’ll come out with an XBox 720 and I’ll be fucked.

Anyways, Nintendo made big news early today, when it was confirmed a Wii successor would be coming in 2012…which means they’ll stop making games for it. Yes, you rightly detected a former GameCube and N64 owner in me. They say we’ll get our first look at this year’s E3. Fuck, man. This sucks.

As this article so appropriately asks, “Is this like Sega’s Dreamcast all over again?” Remember when you were little and you listened to Slayer with your brother while playing Crazy Taxi? Dreamcast basically transformed Sega into a video game developer rather than a manufacturer of gaming systems…it was the knife to that company’s heart.

“It is an open question whether the Wii successor is an in-between console, much like Sega’s Dreamcast was back in the late 90’s — too late to compete with the PlayStation and N64, and not sufficiently advanced to compete with the PS2 and Xbox,” noted Wedbush Securities analyst Michael Pachter.

“Nintendo’s announcement of a Wii successor is quite sketchy on details, and arguably raises more questions than it answers. In our view, if the successor is nothing more than a high-definition Wii, the company has waited too long to launch, and has conceded a tremendous first mover advantage to Microsoft and Sony, who launched Kinect and Move control schemes, respectively, in late 2010. We are seldom disappointed in Nintendo’s ingenuity, and we do not believe the Wii successor will be an exception; it is highly likely, in our view, that the successor will innovate mightily, and rumors of a controller with a 6” LCD screen are rampant.”

The question here is…do I get a PS3, because I might buy one and then they’ll come out with something else…maybe PS4 or some wonky name like “The Brain,” which could incorporate some sort of ear piece. I mean, who the fuck knows what the next thing will be…and now, all of a sudden, I sound like an old guy. But then again, I was raised on Atari.

I don’t know; I’d really like it if they could just release some sort of “update” to whatever system I always have that will be cheap but a complete overhaul that blows my wang. Kind of like an 80-year-old hooker.

Just BUILD some sort of new sensor bar or remote system to the Wii myself and a bunch of lame-assese already own, would you Nintendo? Don’t make me buy another system. Or make it 3D, and then I won’t give a fuck and buy wait for the PS4.

Oh, and in the comments section, let me know…keep talk of video games off of the site, or “Alright, alright.”

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