Testament have turned up the shamelessness notch a smidgen.
The thrash act was somehow convinced by its management that it was a good idea to attempt to sell worthless, useless “ownership” shares of their 2012 song “Native Blood,” entitling each shareholder to little more than lame “bragging rights.”
“Guess what? I wasted money on nothing. Look at me, everybody!”
To me, this is basically the musical equivalent of “buying” a fucking star and having it named after someone. You’re essentially paying someone to take your money for absolutely nothing.
According to a press release, “before now, the only people who owned songs were music industry insiders. Now, Testament and the New York Rock Exchange are allowing you to have a piece. When you buy a share, you’ll become a co-owner of ‘Native Blood’ along with singer Chuck Billy, guitarist Eric Peterson, and the band. Not only does this give you the ultimate in bragging rights, you’ll also get exclusive shareholder rewards not available to anybody else.”
Early access to Testament’s new album, which should be out in 2015; an invitation to join Chuck and Eric for an exclusive online shareholder meeting; a limited-edition print of Chuck’s handwritten song lyrics for “Native Blood;” and a foil embossed Certificate Of Ownership to hang on your wall like a gold record.
If I walked into someone’s house and that shit was hanging on the wall, I’d leave. I’d be infuriated that someone I was associated with could be so stupid as to throw money away on something intangible like this horseshit.
The press release also included the following disclaimer: “New York Rock Exchange shares are for entertainment only. They are not securities, and do not provide a financial stake in the music. Your ownership rights are subject to important limitations, and can be revoked.”
I never took Testament for the kind of band that’d opt in on some soulless money grab like this.
Guess I was wrong. I guess I’m naive to think such offers are ever rejected. I guess I couldn’t say for sure what I would do if someone told me to sell posts on my website, for example. I hope I’d do the honorable thing and scoff at such a suggestion — broke as I am.
But who knows?
All I will say is Testament’s dropped a few notches on my respect-o-gram. But I guess they must really need the dough.
Waste your money here.
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