Motörhead’s Lemmy Kilmister is one of the coolest motherfuckers on the planet and some have theorized that the man derives his awesomeness and power from his mammoth facial moles.
Other theories claim Lemmy’s actually two people. It’s confusing but theorists posit that, in utero, he was a Siamese twin and that Kilmister’s face, as the two zygotes developed, basically absorbed the other developing fetus.
Those moles, these whackos believe, are what’s left of that absorbed baby — Lemmy’s brother!
I have no idea if any of this is true, and to be quite frank, I am rather skeptical the moles are the source of metaphysical energy that can be harnessed, or that they’re basically the remnants of some devoured fetus.
But Lemmy’s moles, I will admit, do, at times, exude different moods. In fact, I can often tell, just by looking at photos, what kind of a mood Lemmy is in because of the pallor of his moles.
These happen to be some of my favorite sides to Lemmy’s glorious, omniscient moles.
1. Pensive: The moles in this photo are mostly pink, which to me says the man is feeling calm, cool, rested and collected — but not oblivious to the world. He’s still got his wits about him, despite letting down his guard a touch.
2. Intimidating: The moles here are almost ghostly white, meaning the blood’s all but rushed from Lemmy’s moles to his extremities. This is “ready to rumble” Kilmister, and again, all one need do is look to the moles to determine Lemmy’s not to be fucked with when he’s in this kind of a mood.
3. Horny: Those moles are saying, “Yo baby, why don’t you come back to my room and sip my testicles?” The dark pink hue to the moles symbolizes a Lemmy who is on the prowl, looking for poon.
And he’s ready for that poon…ready to crush it like an ant.
4. Indifference: Lemmy’s sensual, all-knowing moles in this shot are more pronounced than you’ll find in a lot of photos of the Motörhead frontman.
Theorists claims the moles can expand or shrink in size, depending on how boring the situation Lemmy’s in is. Here, we can clearly see Lemmy and his moles would rather be doing anything but being captured for posterity on film.
5. Crazed: When one of Lemmy’s moles becomes obstructed from view by his imposing facial hair, look out!
This is a Lemmy whose moles have had it. See Lemmy’s moles in this state, and you’d better run. This is a man at the end of his rope, and his powerful moles could turn to evil if pushed.
6. Ecstatic: Here, we see the moles are on full display, and they’re almost purple in color.
This signifies a Lemmy overcome with joy. This is what Lemmy’s moles looked like Christmas morning, when he was a kid — all full of life and hope.
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