This Is The Worst Thing To Ever Happen — EVER!

Babymetal

At the end of this post, witness Babymetal. What in the holy fuck is Babymetal, you wonder? Glad you asked. It may be the worst co-opting of heavy metal culture since Vince Neil was on “Skating With The Stars.” But this video is absolutely ten times worse than Vince in spandex, on ice skates.

The video is Babymetal’s clip for their track “Doki Doki Morning.” More like “Dookie Dookie Morning.” Babymetal are a heavy metal Japanese pop idol group “that performs a distinctly Japanese mix of schoolgirl J-pop and death metal.”

What the fucking fuck does that mean? I DON’T KNOW! Apparently, it’s this garbage at the end of this post. It’s 12-year-old girls jumping around to death metal guitars in schoolgirl outfits.

Remember — they’re not legal. If you have any sort of growth spurt in your pants after watching this video, you need to go to the nearest police station and tell them you’re a pederast. If there is even a slight rustling in your shorts, you need help.

I love how, in the video, the dudes in the band are so embarrassed to be involved in this, they’re in protective covering, as not to reveal their identities. And that the little girls just materialize from a glowing red circle of pentagrams.

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