Top Five Ways To Tell If You Worship Lamb of God

Sean Harris

Unfortunately, no upcoming concerts for me — but that won’t stop me from finally writing a piece about who I think is the best metal band on Earth right now.

Here are the “Top 5 Ways To Tell If You Worship Lamb of God.”

Let us begin by stating the obvious. Lamb of God are the bee’s knees. That’s right. They’re the shit and you better recognize. In my humble opinion, they are without a doubt the most talented metal band in the world.

Now unless there’s some ridiculously skilled aliens that shred liquid hot fire on Mars, Lamb can claim the title of best in the universe as well. It took me a few years to discover these wonderful lads from Richmond Motherfucking Virginia but when I finally did, being astounded would be the understatement of the century.

I took my first listen in 2005. Little did I know, I wouldn’t get tired of “Laid To Rest” 2005 listens later. If you ever meet someone and they say they’re on the fence about screaming vocals, give them a crash course in Ashes of The Wake-ology. That album was life changing for me and Randy Blythe’s performance on every track is nothing short of mind blowing.

I eventually back tracked and realized that As The Palaces Burn is damn near just as good as Ashes of the Wake. The sound is so raw and it makes for a perfect dynamic on the album. “11th Hour” was, and still is, my all time favorite LOG track.

Fast forward to 2012 and three more amazing albums are under their belt. Sacrament made so many people wake up and smell the coffee. This album is the definition of complete bad-assery. From beginning to end, it never lets off the gas pedal. “Walk With Me In Hell” will always be a fan favorite and a perfect way to open a CD that never stops kicking you in the fucking balls.

Wrath and Resolution did exactly what they should’ve done for the band. Show their diversity and prove to everyone that they aren’t a one-trick pony. Acoustic guitars, orchestras and clean vocals oh my! I love pretty much everything from those epics. Everything from “In Your Words” all the way to the incomparable “King Me.”

The music speaks for itself but the fans are definitely a different breed. How can you tell if you worship them? Here’s five telling signs if you’ve contracted Lamb of God-itis.

1. Your ringtone, alarm clock and watch timers all have “Ruin” as a default. I’m guilty of this and you should be to.

2. You scream vocals like Blythe in songs that don’t have screaming vocals. “No it’s like this. GANGNAM STYYYYYYYYYYYYYLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

3. Whenever you hear “Black Label,” you start a circle pit. Doesn’t matter if you hear it at a wedding, a barmitzvah or at Grandma Mary’s retirement home, you set that place upright.

4. You tell everyone if you don’t listen to Lamb of God you should just fucking die! My buddy Greg will appreciate that.

5. You go at least 40 kilometers an hour above the speed limit when listening to them in the car. I have the tickets to prove it.

If you have this disease, please check yourself into the loony bin immediately and mosh with the rest of us. We’re expecting you.

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