Warped Tour: You’re Still Not Going

Enter ShikariEnter Shikari

Enter Shikari

And chances are you won’t. If you’re actually into metal.

Then again, your stupid little girlfriend might make you go. She loves all those shitty Warped Tour bands. Maybe it’s time to get a new girl. One who doesn’t even like music. That would almost be better.

Yes, folks — there is still not a single fucking reason to attend this year’s Vans Warped Tour. Last year there was one reason: The Black Dahlia Murder.

Yes, it was a sellout move…but look how far it’s gotten them. Opened them up to a whole new audience of pansies who probably just collectively uttered an “Eww” five seconds into their set.

The latest additions to the 2014 Warped bill are Enter Shikari, Anberlin, Issues, Cute Is What We Aim For and Survive This!

The trek kicks off on June 14 with The Devil Wears Prada, The Color Morale, Nit GriT, Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!, the Ready Set, Saves The Day, The Ghost Inside, A Skylit Drive, Beartooth, I The Mighty, Attila, Stray From The Path, Tear Out The Heart, Mayday Parade, The Protomen, Air Dubai, Mixtapes, Plague Vendor, Teenage Bottlerocket and For Today.

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