Who Wants To Cruise With Bret Michaels?

Bret will even be bartending!

Fuck that 70,000 Tons of Metal shit…I want to go on the Bret Michaels Super Cruise — also known as The Chlamydia Catamaran.

The Poison frontman and reality show whore announced that the Bret Michaels Super Cruise will launch from Cozumel, Mexico on November 10, returning November 14.

Cozumel is fucking disgusting. I was there once. ONCE! I was walking down the street, and some dude threw up right in front of me. But he did it from a second story window. Who just yacks out a fucking second story window onto a heavily-traveled pedestrian walkway? A scumbag, that’s who! So it figures the cruise is leaving from this godforsaken shithole.

“I’ll be on board the entire time, playing two full concerts,” says Bret. But I guarantee you he won’t be at the buffet or lounging by the pool. He will be hiding in his room from you the entire time. But his press release assures, “I’ll be bartending and most importantly hanging with the fans. Can’t guarantee the weather but I can guarantee you’ll have the time of your life.”

Penicillin shots not included.

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