Zakk Wylde Claims Ozzy’s Dick Doesn’t Work

Guitarist goes on national radio show to out his former boss

Ozzy OsbourneOzzy Osbourne

Ozzy Osbourne

In the spirit of Christmas, here’s a detailed story about Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of Darkness, and his dysfunctional peter.

According to Zakk Wylde, who appeared recently on “Loveline” with Dr. Drew Pinsky and Mike Catherwood, the leader of Black Sabbath can’t get boned up anymore.

That sucks. I feel bad for Ozzy. What’s the point of having a donger if it won’t petrify.

Recalled Zakk:

“Mom [Sharon Osbourne] and Barbaranne [Zakk’s wife] go out, so it’s me and the Boss [Ozzy]. And he just goes, ‘Zakk, you know, I don’t drink anymore, I don’t do drugs anymore. I don’t even smoke; I never thought I’d give that up.’ Then he goes, ‘I don’t even drink coffee anymore; I’m drinking tea. My schlong doesn’t work.’ And I go, ‘Man, that’s messed up.’ And he goes, ‘Zakk, why am I alive?’”

Bummer, man.

And Ozzy has a point.

You all have my permission to take me out when I reach an age where my womb broom stops working.

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